pregnancy Archives - Single Mothers by Choice

We Wanted To Be Moms

When I turned thirty-five the last thing on my mind was becoming a mother. I had spent my late teens, twenties, and early thirties so wrapped up in myself; the thought of having the responsibility of a child was submerged somewhere between marriage and home ownership. I was content being a perennial student, keeping a day job, and sabotaging potentially long-term relationships. Then, some time in my thirty-fifth year, an unprecedented urge pierced my thoughts, rattling my body like an alarm clock, only this was purely biological.

I thought there must be other women like me. There were. Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) was founded in 1981.

I pulled the top down to my Jeep Wrangler, wearing my skinny jeans, and drove to my first SMC meeting. I walked into a room of tired-looking moms whose kids were all around the same age. They undoubtedly drove safe cars with secure … Continue reading

How It Feels to be Pregnant Solo

Solo pregnancy is filled with peaks and valleys, as I would imagine any pregnancy is. I’m nearly half way through my pregnancy and it still doesn’t feel real to me. Sometimes I use the word “weird” to describe how it feels seeing my baby on an ultrasound, my brain doesn’t fully grasp that there is actually a little life growing in me.

I find myself wondering if I would feel the same way if my baby was made with a man I loved. Would it feel more real? Would I feel more of a connection that this is happening knowing that the other half of him is my life partner? These are some of the valleys that run through my mind as I navigate pregnancy as a single woman. Sometimes I wonder if my donor is really who he says he is. Did he lie about his family? Are those

Letter To My Embaby – Transfer Day

My little embaby.

It’s finally here, the day I meet you and welcome you to your hopeful home for the next 9 months. I want you to know how precious you already are to me, how much I have longed for you in my life. You will be my first child, my first everything, really. I hope you will stay in the cozy nook I have made for you. And that you will let me provide you with a safe and comfortable place to grow.

And if you choose to stay in your home until next Christmas, I will teach you how to navigate this crazy world with grace. You will have a mother who would go to the ends of the earth for you. A family that will be by your side to protect and support you. Your family might look different than others because you will get bonus … Continue reading

It’s the Village for Me

I have to say when I started this journey, I expected there would be times that I would feel lonely or miss not having a partner. And there have definitely been those moments where I felt that.

An Africans proverb that I love is “its takes a village to raise a child.” It shows that when communities are at its best, its a village. A close knit unit that helps, supports, gives feedback, provides structure, brings guidance, and love to all. The African American community has lived off this for so many years. And honestly I grew up this way as well. I have to say that, my village is awesome and has been essential throughout this journey!!!

Let me start from the beginning…. Earlier this week, I found myself in so much pain dealing with what the doctors have determined is sciatica (really sharp pain going from my lower … Continue reading

A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear Baby,

You should know that I have been yearning to meet you for a very long while. It’s been a tough fight and at times I’ve wanted to give up, but meeting you is so much more important.

As long as there is the slightest bit of hope, I won’t give up. Seeing that pregnancy test say pregnant, learning about increasing HCG levels, and finding out you’re on the way have been the happiest moments of my life. During this journey, I can’t wait to hear your heartbeat, feel you move around, or hold you in my arms. Most importantly I can’t wait to give you all the love I’ve been storing up. And honestly you’ll have more love than you will ever need because your support system that is patiently waiting your arrival is ready to love you too.

I know that you are worth every second and … Continue reading

What Has Been My Favorite Part Of Pregnancy?

I have been asked this a handful of times. The immediate things that come to mind are the little flutters, especially when I first started feeling them. Like a little bird’s wing inside me. They gave me pure joy. He’s really in there. But more-so I think my true favorite thing about being pregnant has been the feeling of hope. The unknown, which surprisingly for someone like me who needs to feel in control, isn’t scary at all to me – it’s the kind of unknown that is like a spark, an excitement, an anticipation of getting to know him. My baby. Meeting him, seeing who he is and how our world will be.

I have all the hope in the world. That’s the thing about me – this shameless, undeterred, sometimes naive optimism that has carried me through the last 40 years and unchanged by disappointments and devastations, heartbreaks … Continue reading

New Beginnings

One year ago I began my journey toward single motherhood.

Despite my age (nearly 42), it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t become pregnant right away. I chose a doctor and a donor and by the beginning of April I was ready for my first attempt via intrauterine insemination. Two weeks later I learned I was pregnant, and I was elated! The few people I had told were astonished I got pregnant so quickly, but I didn’t understand why. I assumed I would be pregnant because I wanted to be. Isn’t that the way it works?

Still, I knew it wasn’t a done deal and to get excited too early would be foolish. I would play it safe and wait until the amnio results before telling anyone but my closest friends and relatives. And so I waited.

In the meantime I had one test after another. Genetic testing, urine … Continue reading

The Changes Pregnancy Brings

A year has passed, and I’m still sitting at the kitchen table, working on the computer, with only the cat keeping me company. My heart is still trilling with excitement, my stomach still churning with anxiety. At first glance it might seem nothing has changed.

But, really, everything has changed.

A year ago I made the decision to start this journey toward single motherhood. I spent countless hours researching fertility centers, reading blogs of other single mothers, finding books on raising children conceived with donor sperm. My excitement stemmed from knowing I was making a decision that would forever change my life. My anxiety stemmed from fears of finances, worries of whether my closest family and friends would be supportive of such a decision, and, yeah, the realization that I was making a decision that would forever change my life.

While part of me thought things would move much faster … Continue reading