Tag Archives: Single Mothers by Choice

Keeping My Future Child Safe

This post was originally written at the time of the Trayvon Martin murder. We are reposting it now in light of the recent George Floyd murder.

I have just been so sad since the story of the Trayvon Martin case came out.

I’m pregnant but don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl. I have to admit that one little part of me, deep deep inside, has hoped Honey Badger is a boy. Someone to carry on the family “name,” which is an absolutely archaic conceit that I’m ashamed to admit that I even give any credence. But, there it is. And of course, I would love a girl too — any baby is a blessing.

But I’ve just been feeling so much pressure now of what it means to possibly be bringing up a black boy in this world. And I am so pre-emptively afraid. What if … Continue reading

May 19, 1992

Murphy Brown On May 19, 1992: Vice President Dan Quayle ignited a cultural firestorm when he criticized the tv sitcom character Murphy Brown for “mocking the importance of fathers by bearing a child alone and calling it just another lifestyle choice.” And indeed, it has become just another lifestyle choice!

Thinking about becoming a Single Mother by Choice? Already a Single Mothers by Choice?  Join Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) for great support and information.

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Why I Try Never To Say “Well That Was Dumb”

Mom giving baby a kiss.I had just finished a twelve hour overnight shift in the NICU where I worked as a nurse. I was riding the bus home in the early Saturday morning hours, bone tired. It was sunny, I think, and I was feeling regretful of my need to sleep before the next night’s shift, wishing I could be out in the land of the living, enjoying the beautiful weekend with my boyfriend instead of shut up in a dark room with a white noise machine.

I laid my phone down on the bus seat next to mine.  Just for a moment, I thought.

But when I got home a few minutes later, I realized my phone was gone.

Dammit.

That evening, at a pre-work dinner with my then boyfriend and now dear friend, I confided in him about my lost phone. Although I had a full time job in the NICU, I … Continue reading

SMCs With Twins

When I first began my journey towards becoming a mother, a visit with an infertility counselor was mandatory.  It was a mostly predictable conversation for me where I was asked what I would do to cope with parenthood, the stress of treatments, and the potential that the treatments might not work, but then the counselor asked me a question I was not expecting, “What do you think you will do if you succeed…A LOT…as in you become pregnant with twins (or more)”.  My response was, “Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”.

Truthfully, before cancer, chemo, surgeries and the impending 4th decade laid waste to my ovaries, I actually had a genetic predisposition towards twins.  Growing up, my family would always say “You know, every third generation is twins and guess where you fall?”.  I have two sets of second cousin twins and my grandfather was a twin.  I don’t know if it is true or … Continue reading

First Christmas

My little one is now 4 months old and the light of my life. He has been such an easy baby. Except for when he was born, I didn’t hear him cry until he was about 5 weeks old (because he was hungry in his car seat. Easy fix.) He has been a good sleeper from the get go. I have never been sleep deprived. I had terrible insomnia during the TTC process and while pregnant. The second he was born I felt a weight lift off of me. The stress dissolved and I could finally relax, as it was all over. Maybe he picked up on this because he is a chilled out little guy.

I had no idea that infants have a personality. I had always said that I’d be happy to be handed a six month old and go from there.. How wrong I was! This kid … Continue reading

To Mom or Not to Mom

img_1264Last year at this time I was about to  undergo my second round of donor insemination, and little did I know that my life was about to change forever. Deciding to be an  SMC (Single Mother by Choice) was the scariest and most gratifying choice I could ever make. A friend once asked me if could live a happy life without a man in it. I said at that moment that I didn’t know but I was willing to try. However, when it came down to answering if could live my life without ever becoming a Mom, my answer with no hesitation whatsoever was NO.

So when I got the results back with a positive, I knew that my ultimate happiness was soon to come, and 40 weeks later when I held my beautiful baby boy in my arms, my life right there and then was complete. He completes me … Continue reading

Brave and Amazing

“When I grow up I want to have a baby on my own by anonymous sperm donor” was not what I was thinking as a little girl. Like most girls my age I dreamt of meeting someone, falling in love and having a family. But that’s not how my life unfolded, so I decided to have a baby on my own. Once I made the decision it was easy, I was lucky enough to conceive on the first try. What was hard was everything it brought up emotionally and what it would take to feel proud of, and happy about, my life.

The first 5 years of my daughter Lulu’s life were filled with happiness, I loved being a mom and I was getting a lot of attention for having made the choice to do it on my own. My friends were telling me how amazing and brave I was. … Continue reading

The Jeep

Gracie had her wrist surgery last Monday, and it went great. It was a ganglion cyst after all—that’s what my gut was telling me, but the tests all reported that it wasn’t consistent with a ganglion—so it’s a relief to have that settled. She was really nervous about the anesthesia, but she was very brave through it all and I’m so proud of her.

My mom flew in to provide moral support, and she waited at home with Isabelle, who got to go to school late because of her sister’s surgery. We got back from the hospital about 10:15, and I swapped kids and took #2 daughter to school. Obviously Grace hadn’t had anything to eat since dinner the night before, because of the anesthesia, but as it happened, I hadn’t either. We had to be at the hospital really early, and the surgery was short enough that I didn’t … Continue reading

Twins

My daughters are monozygotic—i.e., “identical”—twins, and they spend a lot of time putting up with people who can’t tell them apart. We do what we can, the three of us. They almost never dress alike, and in fact have different tastes in clothes. Gracie favors dresses, ballet flats, and pink, pink, pink. Isabelle likes jeans, boots, and anything with a peace sign on it. Gracie has long hair; Isabelle wears hers in a chin-length bob. I have them in separate classrooms, so that they have some time to be individuals, and to cultivate their own friendships. I’m trying to minimize the time that they spend being viewed as a single unit. In the wider world, this is enough for most people to figure out who’s who, and it seems to be working out well enough.

At home though, twinhood poses a different set of challenges, and they’re not as easily … Continue reading