Tag: Struggle

A Letter To My Younger Self

I recently read a blog post by someone who has kids and was lamenting her pre-kid single life freedoms. The post was a letter to her young self about how she should enjoy being free, staying out late with friends, traveling and not worry about meeting someone to share her life with—or about whether she has kids; that her life would be just great without them. I love how people who are married with kids always joke about what a pain it is to be married, and tell single people how lucky we are to not have to “deal with” a partner and how hard it is to be tied down to kids.

So I decided to write my own letter to my younger single self:

Dear naive self who thinks she’ll just meet Mr. Right at that perfect age (no need to worry!) and who believes her uterus will … Continue reading

Getting Up

At times you get knocked down.  Life is like that sometimes.  You’re humming along, minding your business, and something or someone knocks you down.  Even those who seem to live the most charmed lives will not escape this.  It’s just the way life goes sometimes.

I can’t help the fact that when I get knocked down, I stay down for longer than I’d like.  I’m built for the initial fight, but not for endurance.  If something knocks the wind out of me it often takes me a long time to heal from it, longer than I am comfortable with.  The one thing that I can say, though, is that I get up.  Eventually, after a protracted amount of time, I do get up again.  Sometimes I am scarred by the experience.  Sometimes, I am left with a deep sense of sadness, resentment, or loss.  Sometimes, I foolishly allow someone’s lack … Continue reading

My Circuitous Route to Adoption

As I sit here writing, my house is filled with baby items from friends and Freecycle. All I need is a baby. At least now I have hope—I’m on an adoption waiting list. But what a long journey it has been…

I became a thinker and joined Single Mothers by Choice at age 39. People encouraged me to move forward, but I was stuck. I wanted a husband, then kids—the traditional family. At 40, I met someone I hoped could be Mr. Right, who turned out to be Mr. Autonomy Issues. At 41, I broke it off. I was devastated. I went into a depression, sought counseling and was stuck—I wanted biological kids, but I also wanted a traditional family. I kept thinking.

Looking back, I see how uneducated I was about fertility for women in their 40s. Despite the many women in the news having children well into their … Continue reading

Contentedness and Complacency

Profound Thoughts on Starting IVF #2

I have this feeling that my life is going to change. I think the start of every IVF brings this feeling. I remember it last time.

Which brings me to profound thoughts about happiness and change. For those of you who have never met me, or never knew me before I was trying to conceive (TTC), I’m generally a happy person. And even as a child, I was a “resilient” child. I have faced obstacles like other humans, but I bounce back faster. I’ve always felt lucky to be blessed with such a personality trait, especially as I have watched friends sometimes be dragged down for years after major events like breakups.

However, TTC for so long has made me face unhappiness and adversity for longer (and deeper) than ever before in my life. I hesitate to call it “unhappiness,” because it’s more like … Continue reading

A Letter To My Younger Self

I recently read a blog post by someone who has kids and was lamenting her pre-kid single life freedoms. The post was a letter to her young self about how she should enjoy being free, staying out late with friends, traveling and not worry about meeting someone to share her life with—or about whether she has kids; that her life would be just great without them. I love how people who are married with kids always joke about what a pain it is to be married, and tell single people how lucky we are to not have to “deal with” a partner and how hard it is to be tied down to kids.

So I decided to write my own letter to my younger single self:

Dear naive self who thinks she’ll just meet Mr. Right at that perfect age (no need to worry!) and who believes her uterus will … Continue reading

A Letter To My Younger Self

I recently read a blog post by someone who has kids and was lamenting her pre-kid single life freedoms. The post was a letter to her young self about how she should enjoy being free, staying out late with friends, traveling and not worry about meeting someone to share her life with—or about whether she has kids; that her life would be just great without them. I love how people who are married with kids always joke about what a pain it is to be married, and tell single people how lucky we are to not have to “deal with” a partner and how hard it is to be tied down to kids.

So I decided to write my own letter to my younger single self:

Dear naive self who thinks she’ll just meet Mr. Right at that perfect age (no need to worry!) and who believes her uterus will … Continue reading

Contentedness and Complacency

Profound Thoughts on Starting IVF #2

I have this feeling that my life is going to change. I think the start of every IVF brings this feeling. I remember it last time.

Which brings me to profound thoughts about happiness and change. For those of you who have never met me, or never knew me before I was trying to conceive (TTC), I’m generally a happy person. And even as a child, I was a “resilient” child. I have faced obstacles like other humans, but I bounce back faster. I’ve always felt lucky to be blessed with such a personality trait, especially as I have watched friends sometimes be dragged down for years after major events like breakups.

However, TTC for so long has made me face unhappiness and adversity for longer (and deeper) than ever before in my life. I hesitate to call it “unhappiness,” because it’s more like … Continue reading

Getting Up

At times you get knocked down.  Life is like that sometimes.  You’re humming along, minding your business, and something or someone knocks you down.  Even those who seem to live the most charmed lives will not escape this.  It’s just the way life goes sometimes.

I can’t help the fact that when I get knocked down, I stay down for longer than I’d like.  I’m built for the initial fight, but not for endurance.  If something knocks the wind out of me it often takes me a long time to heal from it, longer than I am comfortable with.  The one thing that I can say, though, is that I get up.  Eventually, after a protracted amount of time, I do get up again.  Sometimes I am scarred by the experience.  Sometimes, I am left with a deep sense of sadness, resentment, or loss.  Sometimes, I foolishly allow someone’s lack … Continue reading

Child of My Dreams

thoughtwomanjpgTo the Child of My Dreams:

Since I was a very young child I’ve dreamed of holding you in my arms…. looking into your face and seeing some of myself in you…watching you grow and develop some of my characteristics (good ones, hopefully). It seems now that that will not be the case, and I am extremely sad about that.

I’ve tried so hard to create you, but my body will not cooperate. Each of the nine times that I’ve tried, I could sense your presence with me…your little soul ready to come into being. I’ll never understand why it could not happen for me. Each time I was devastated and cried because I felt I had really lost you…even if you were only in my dreams.

Now it seems that I will say goodbye, but only to part of my dream. I need to mourn the loss of a … Continue reading

“I've been part of the SMC community since I was thinking about getting pregnant. They always have my back with useful, nuanced advice, trustworthy info, and personal experience. I feel honored to be a member, and to see all the children grow up alongside mine.”

– Sophie Holland