Tag: trying

Another Step Toward Motherhood…

I have a needle phobia. Anyone who doesn’t have a phobia will find it hard to understand just what that means. When I need anything done that involves needles, its a major ordeal for me. I have to have someone go with me. Sometimes my doctor (or dentist) prescribes me Valium (which really doesn’t seem to help much…but I feel goooood after). I’m hysterical. I have panic attacks. I feel like the world is spinning out of control. And it makes me angry. I consider myself a very grounded, rational, and practical person. So to have this crazy fear of something like a little tiny needle, it just doesn’t make sense! But I’ve been this way since I was a teenager, so I’ve mostly avoided needles.

Now, I want to become a mother. More than that, I want to become a single mother. So no wonderful husband to work through … Continue reading

Swiping Right on the Seed: Picking my baby’s donor

Picking my donor was easier than I thought. Once I knew I was seriously considering moving forward with choice motherhood, I started researching sperm banks. Each one was different, and I considered a number of criteria.

What I focused on when picking:

My first instinct was to look for someone that I found good looking, which is trivial, but if I am in the position where I am going to hand pick half of my child’s genetics, I am going to be selective. I decided I wanted someone who either resembled me or someone I would date in real life. Ideally taller than 5’11 to balance my petite 5’3 frame. A donor who was athletic because I always ran the opposite direction of balls on the field, and CMV negative, which I had no idea what that meant when I started this journey.

After I had my session with the … Continue reading

How to Choose a Sperm Donor and Fertility Treatment Option

This post was sponsored by Reproductive Medicine Associates of New York (RMA of New York)

Single motherhood by choice provides a powerful option for family building. The ability to choose motherhood on your own terms gives you full autonomy over your reproduction and family building plans. When planning for single motherhood, there are a few key decisions that are critical to finding the right treatment path for you. Choosing a sperm source is a very personal decision that can look different for each patient. There are, however, medical implications that need to be considered when choosing your donor sperm and your providers are here to help guide you through this process. Another key decision is how to best utilize the donor sperm to achieve pregnancy. This journey will be different for everyone and it is important to find a team that makes you feel comfortable, empowered, and gives you the … Continue reading

A Letter to My Unborn Child

Dear Baby,

You should know that I have been yearning to meet you for a very long while. It’s been a tough fight and at times I’ve wanted to give up, but meeting you is so much more important.

As long as there is the slightest bit of hope, I won’t give up. Seeing that pregnancy test say pregnant, learning about increasing HCG levels, and finding out you’re on the way have been the happiest moments of my life. During this journey, I can’t wait to hear your heartbeat, feel you move around, or hold you in my arms. Most importantly I can’t wait to give you all the love I’ve been storing up. And honestly you’ll have more love than you will ever need because your support system that is patiently waiting your arrival is ready to love you too.

I know that you are worth every second and … Continue reading

How Long Should You Wait For “Mr. or Ms. Right”?

Having a partner is no longer a pre-requisite for motherhood. Single women have many options to start families on their own, ranging from anonymous sperm donors to adoption. With the growing accessibility of such options, many women find that the hardest part of taking the leap is an emotional step — to stop holding out for “Mr. or Ms. Right” to come around the corner.

Grieving the dream of partnered bliss is an important process. It might take longer than expected. Many women find that this grieving process is not entirely complete before they decide to pursue single motherhood. Others eventually decide not to pursue single motherhood after all. The important thing is that they processed their feelings and came to terms with their priorities in life. They realized which trade offs they were, or were not, willing to make.

A woman might decide that above all else she wants

… Continue reading

A Fine Whine

Ugh, so, this is just unbearable. This waiting is terrible. How do any of us go through it?

I’ve been officially a waiting-to-adopt family for nine (or is it ten?) months. And before that, I did two-and-a-half years of infertility treatments. I woke up the other day and just thought to myself, “I just want to be a mom. So badly.”

I started this journey nearly four years ago. And I am still single and childless. I know, it sounds like I am being a total downer., I AM a total downer right now. Sorry, guys, really. But I just feel like it is NEVER going to happen for me.  My friend was waiting to adopt a dog and she is going to get it this weekend… so even that is happening. When is it going to be my day? I know I’m whining. Again, I am so sorry.

There … Continue reading

The Anvil

I’m putting this out there: why not consider that me becoming a mom IS going to happen, rather than always thinking it ISN’T going to happen?

They say that if you think positively, this attracts positivity. I’ve always felt this is nonsense.  I have always believed that if I think positively, then that is exactly the way for something bad to happen. You know how Wile E. Coyote is always running around trying to do things, and the Road Runner always seems to drop an anvil on his head? That’s how I view myself in the world– that an anvil is always about to drop and crush me.

Now that I say it out loud, it seems kind of sad.

Also, let’s analyze this critically. Wile E. Coyote always has dastardly intentions: to kill the Road Runner. So really, it makes sense in the Looney Tunes world that his evil … Continue reading

The Day I Realized I Liked Kids

I know lots of women who always knew they wanted kids. I was never one of them.

We already have enough people in the world, I always thought, so why do I have to go through the bother of having more?  Plus, kids seemed like a total pain. They shit in their pants and whine and generally get in the way of you having a good time.

I wasn’t particularly excited when I learned my brother and his wife were pregnant, and when my baby niece came I didn’t care much. She reminded me of all the other babies I had ever seen. I remember my brother bringing this little bundle of boring humanity into the bathroom early in the morning, saying “look! Auntie is brushing her teeth!” It was too early for baby talk, and I barked at him to leave me alone.

I did have to admit she … Continue reading

My Path To Single Motherhood

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my path to single motherhood. It’s strange, because it feels so natural and normal to me now, that I sometimes forget how unconventional my path has been.

Plan A

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to have children. I had big dreams about having birth children and adopting. My “Plan A” approach was always in this order: fall in love, get married, have birth children, provide foster care, and adopt.

When I turned 28, I started seriously considering the “what if’s” about Plan A not working out. I had just moved to a new state, was away from all my friends/family, and I was finding it difficult to meet any new quality men. I tried a bunch of stuff: online dating, volunteering, getting involved in the community, speed dating, singles events, etc. But it just wasn’t happening … Continue reading

What’s in a Donor?

You never fully understand what goes into choosing a donor until you do it yourself! I had this glamorous idea in my mind that I would have a donor party. Assemble the people closest to me, have some wine, enjoy each others company, and look through donor profiles together. After I grieved the donor party idea, I realized I had to get to work to make decisions that would best fit my needs to conceive with. Funny thing is, I started the donor search out with this long list of criteria, almost like what I would expect to find in a partner. Some of it unrealistic honestly and unfortunately found that yielded no results. So I evaluated what was most important to me….

I started with tall, dark, and handsome! Initially I knew I wanted an African American donor who was tall (so I could give my child a fighting … Continue reading

“I've been part of the SMC community since I was thinking about getting pregnant. They always have my back with useful, nuanced advice, trustworthy info, and personal experience. I feel honored to be a member, and to see all the children grow up alongside mine.”

– Sophie Holland